if you are reading this, i think i successfully managed to get you here on purpose. after i deprived you of all access to know how i am, what i am doing or what i am thinking, i guess the last thing you could do is to check this blog of mine that you might think im not using anymore.
as you know, i am currently not engaging in any sort of communication with you, even physical contact. there is a reason for it. i am doing this not because to punish you or make you suffer. i don’t even think you are suffering based on your twitter updates (well, i don’t know what are you even doing in FB). it is because, i wanted to. it is because i want to test or in clear terms, experiment. i think i dont have any sort of passionate feelings upon you anymore and i want to prove it by doing this. will i ever get lonely? missing you? craving for you? well, so far. the answer is NO.
i think there are factors that made me feel this way. let me try my best to explain it to you. first thing, when i realised that you have been cheating to me for so many times now. ok let me put a brief account on all the cheatings that you did that i can remember ; you secretly met with your ex-bf and sit in his car for long period of time, you went out with a friend of mine to a beach to drink alcohol, you had an affair with a footballer ( of which you persistently do it over and over again) and you had a repulsive relationship with a student. well that is all i can remember.
realising the amount of pain you have given me through all your stupidites, and the fact that you even humiliated me with your repulsive behaviours in twitter and facebook, i was thinking whether i should feel enough is enough?. i still dont know.
then i realised, you are not doing bad, that you have lots of companies with you. i am glad that you are happy now that you are not alone. i thank those who are always there to be with you, making you laugh and joyful. it makes me happy knowing that you are happy.
ok lets talk more about me and i will try my best to describe my mistakes to you. ok, first of all, i am not always there for you. chatting with you, or even calling you. i admit it. i confessed. why? i dont know. i just dont feel like to. i prefer to be alone, doing things i want to do. but i will stress a point here, i never done things that will disappoint our relationship. usually the things i did was mostly about my self. want to know what i do everyday? usually boring stuffs and it is the truth. i watch tv, i sleep, i surf the internet blindly, i go to the gym and thats it. and it is amazing how it consumed my daily hours frighteningly. and most of the time, i didnt even think about you. what do you think is happening to me? i dont know. i guess you know more of my mistakes because you are the victim here that made you did things that eventually destroyed all my feeling for you. i said it before, never cheat on me. even though the slightest of form. i said it before…
now, here we are now brought to a standstill. i tried my best describing my feeling to you as briefly and as clearly as i can. the paragraph above i think briefly sums it up. it is up to you to analyze what actually is happening to my feelings for you, because it is excruciatingly difficult to describe it on my own.
i feel emptiness in my heart right now but at the same time.. space. a space that i seriously need at this time.
one more thing, i was wondering. you said things about this Farid Kamil guy and how much you adore him and you being the spouse. i noticed that the wafi kid that you been having a relationship with is using farid kamil picture ad his fb dp. that gave me a clue, that you are still having a relationship with him even though i warned you already. whether i’m too premature in my judgement or just plain good at digging out facts, it is up to the truth to decide.
anyways, i will write again in the future. if i think i need to write.
goodbye.
